No one gets into a marriage with the intention of seeing it fail. Unfortunately, that is what can sometimes happen, despite our best efforts. There’s a lot that you can do to prevent it from happening to you, however. One step is to learn about the most common causes that marriages break apart, so that you can be more aware of the risks out there, and how you can avoid them. Let’s break down some of them here.
Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the most common reasons marriages falter. When one partner betrays the other by seeking emotional or physical intimacy outside the marriage, the foundation of trust upon which the relationship is built is severely damaged. The hurt caused by infidelity can lead to a breakdown in communication, a loss of respect, and a sense of betrayal that is difficult to overcome. For many, infidelity represents an unforgivable breach of the marital vows, making it nearly impossible to restore the relationship to its former state. Even if forgiveness is offered, the lingering doubts and insecurities often continue to erode the bond between the partners, leading to the eventual dissolution of the marriage.
Money Problems
Financial stress is a major contributor to marital breakdowns. Disagreements over spending habits, debt, or financial priorities can create a significant strain on the relationship, leading to divorce. When couples are not aligned on how to manage money, conflicts inevitably arise, leading to resentment and mistrust. Money problems can exacerbate other issues in the marriage, making small disagreements feel insurmountable. Additionally, financial instability can lead to stress and anxiety, which can further strain the relationship. In some cases, one partner’s financial irresponsibility or dishonesty regarding finances can be a deal-breaker, especially if it leads to significant debt or financial ruin.
Communication Issues
Effective communication is essential for a healthy marriage, and when communication breaks down, the marriage often follows. Many couples struggle to communicate their needs, desires, or grievances effectively, leading to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts. When partners stop talking to each other or only engage in negative or superficial conversations, they lose the ability to connect on a deeper level. Poor communication can result in a lack of emotional intimacy, growing resentment, and a sense of isolation within the marriage. Over time, the inability to communicate effectively can create a chasm between partners that becomes increasingly difficult to bridge. Counseling can help to bridge the gap, but both parties have to put the work in.
Growing Apart
Over time, some couples find that they have grown apart. This often happens when partners do not continue to invest in their relationship or fail to grow together as individuals. Life changes such as career shifts, personal development, or evolving interests can lead to partners drifting in different directions. What once brought them together may no longer be enough to sustain the marriage. When couples grow apart, they often feel a sense of loneliness and disconnect within the marriage, leading them to seek fulfillment outside the relationship. This gradual drift can lead to a lack of shared experiences, emotional distance, and eventually, the decision to part ways.
Differing Future Plans
Marriages often falter when couples realize that their future goals and plans are not aligned. Whether it’s differing views on having children, where to live, career aspirations, or retirement plans, conflicting visions for the future can create tension and dissatisfaction. If partners cannot find common ground or compromise on these important life decisions, the marriage may become untenable. Differing future plans can lead to feelings of frustration and disappointment, as each partner may feel that their needs and desires are not being considered or respected. Over time, this misalignment can drive a wedge between partners, making it difficult to maintain a harmonious relationship.
Lack of Support
A marriage thrives on mutual support and encouragement. When one or both partners feel unsupported, whether emotionally, physically, or practically, it can lead to feelings of resentment and disconnection. A lack of support might manifest in different ways, such as one partner not being there during difficult times, not sharing household responsibilities, or failing to provide emotional encouragement. When partners do not feel like they are part of a team, the relationship can start to feel one-sided and burdensome. This imbalance can create a rift in the marriage, leading to feelings of loneliness, frustration, and ultimately, the decision to separate.
Dead Bedroom Syndrome
Physical intimacy is a crucial aspect of a healthy marriage, and when it fades, it can signal deeper issues within the relationship. Dead bedroom syndrome, where sexual intimacy becomes infrequent or nonexistent, can lead to dissatisfaction, frustration, and a sense of rejection. This lack of physical connection can erode emotional intimacy as well, making partners feel unloved or unvalued. While the reasons for a decline in sexual activity can vary—from stress and health issues to emotional disconnect—the result is often the same: partners feel distanced from one another. Without addressing the underlying causes and working to restore intimacy, the marriage may become devoid of the connection that once held it together.
Abusive Behavior
Abuse in any form—emotional, physical, or psychological—can quickly destroy a marriage. Abusive behavior creates a toxic environment where fear, control, and manipulation replace love, trust, and respect. A marriage plagued by abuse is unsustainable, as the abused partner may suffer from severe emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a loss of autonomy. Over time, the abusive dynamics can become ingrained, making it difficult for the victim to leave or seek help. However, the long-term effects of staying in such a marriage can be devastating, leading to the eventual breakdown of the relationship, either through separation or as a means of self-preservation.
Deceit
Deceit, whether it involves lying, hiding significant information, or engaging in deceptive behavior, can severely undermine the trust in a marriage. When one partner consistently lies or withholds important information, the other partner may feel betrayed and unable to trust them again. Deceit can take many forms, from infidelity and financial secrets to lying about one’s feelings or intentions. Once deceit is uncovered, it can be challenging to rebuild trust, as the betrayed partner may always wonder what else has been hidden. The presence of deceit creates a climate of suspicion and insecurity, making it difficult for the marriage to survive.
There’s a lot that you can do to ensure that your marriage stays healthy, but it’s also important to know when to pull the cord, especially if you’re the one being hurt as a result. Marriages can get through a lot, but it requires two willing and loving partners.
