When you’re single and reflecting upon your past romantic relationships, it’s not unusual to begin to spot reoccurring patterns and common themes.
We tend to fall for the same type of person and, unfortunately, this often means that we can encounter the same hang-ups and character flaws. But is this down to bad luck or just bad life choices? How can you avoid making the same mistakes in a future relationship?
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No-one goes looking for troublesome relationships and many of us seek the same positive qualities when looking for a life partner. We want to be with someone who’s warm, intelligent, attractive and reliable.
For me, although I know what I’d like from a partner on paper, the laws of attraction don’t always play fairly. They don’t typically lead me to the person who will consistently provide me with lovely compliments; usually just the emotional baggage brigade.
Fun fact: If we have had bad experiences in our love life we often end up repeating them. Not because we want to punish ourselves, but because we’re subconsciously programmed to repeat similar scenarios that we’ve already experienced and are familiar with.
In order to break free from this kind of pattern, it’s important to really think about past relationships and why they didn’t work out. Seek out those qualities in a partner that will enhance your life and make being part of a couple a positive thing. Of course, no person is perfect – everyone has faults – but by looking for someone who has a number of good character traits you tip the scales in your favour.
Compatibility
It goes without saying that you should find someone compatible to date if you’re going to have any chance of the relationship lasting. If you are ruled by your emotions, your best choice of partner may be someone who’s similar in nature.
If you want an insight into someone’s love compatibility, it can be interesting to consider their star sign and how compatible it is with yours. For instance, a Virgo woman demands loyalty and commitment from her lovers and is said to be most compatible with Cancer, Pisces and Scorpio partners. Of course, not everyone conforms to their star sign’s traits, but it can sometimes give you interesting insights into someone’s character when you’re just getting to know them.
“romance” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by joopvandijk
Honesty
The best relationships are founded on honesty from both partners, only then do you know that you can trust each other. An ideal partner is one who will speak their mind on any subject – even if it risks offending the person they care about. It’s far better to be with someone who remains true to their opinions, rather than moulding them to be what they think you want them to be.
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Emotional Maturity
You may not be looking for someone who’s deadly serious all the time, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be mature in their outlook. Someone who has emotional maturity will be willing to think about their actions and ready to learn something new about themselves. As an added bonus, they will be independent and self-confident, which means they won’t be seeking your help in making them complete.
Flexibility
Having said that, some look for flexibility in a lover. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re seeking an open relationship. It’s more that they want their other half to be willing to change aspects of their behaviour if it’s detrimental to the joint relationship.
Being adaptable in a relationship means you’re willing to make changes for the common good of the couple. If you’re with an inflexible person who is unwilling to change, there’s less chance of the relationship standing the test of time.
Of course, these are just some of the positive character traits you can look for in a partner, and each of us will be attracted to different people for different reasons. But if you can find someone who ticks at least some of your ideal partner ‘boxes’ and doesn’t seem to mirror those negative qualities you’ve seen in previous partners, you’re more likely to find the right person to share a future with.
