When it comes to the world of dating, it’s already a scary process as it is. You have the fear of rejection, worrying about if there will be a date # 2, and these days, you have to worry about if people really are who they say they are! So for single people to have those fears, imagine the dating anxieties people face after having gone through a divorce.
Dating is actually a lot easier for some than it is for others. If you’re married but your marriage is on the rocks, it could be a huge sign that the marriage ended a long time ago and a divorce is in your near future. From a newly single and dating point of view, that can be one of the scariest things ever! You’ll soon be getting back out there as a single person having to relearn the do’s and don’ts of dating again! On the flip side, it can also be looked at as an exciting new adventure and chapter in your life that… you can still teach old dogs new tricks.
Why Did You Stick Around for So Long?
Before you left your marriage, there were probably red flags being thrown in your face that you chose to ignore for the sake of your marriage, right? More than likely so. So why exactly did you stay? A lot of people will stay in toxic marriages for various reasons. Some of the most common reasons are because of:
- Low self-esteem
- Not financially stable on their own
- Because you have kids together
- Thinking your marriage is as good as it gets
Whatever your reasons were for sticking around as long as you did, clearly didn’t work out for the better. Now your marriage has ended and the time has now come for you to get back out there and see what this new chapter in your life can bring to you. But before you do jump back out there, let’s address some of the common fears that newly single individuals encounter when they go from being married for so long to re-entering the dating world.
Fear #1: You Won’t Be Able to Recognize the Red Flags Quick Enough
After you’ve been hurt by your ex-spouse, it can be hard to get back out there and date again, especially when you blamed yourself for not being able to see the signs sooner than you did. This actually a very common fear to have so don’t beat yourself up about it.
One way to help get you through the dating scene is to re-evaluate your past marriage and maybe even jot down what the red flags were and get acquainted with them so that if you run into them on the dating scene, you’ll be able to sniff them out a mile away, saving you a lot of time and heartache.
Fear #2: You Feel You’re Not Worthy to Experience Love Again
The dreaded feeling of being “un-dateable” is also a common fear among many divorcees. They feel like they are “damaged goods,” if you will, and that because they’ve already been married and had a few kids that nobody will want them. In all seriousness, you have to get that out of your head. You are absolutely worthy of love and happiness… your past experiences don’t have to determine your future experiences.
Fear #3: You Fear That There Aren’t Any “Good Ones” Out There Anymore
Well, let’s just be honest, the fact that you’re newly divorced means that there has to be better out there than what you just left. After a divorce, the goal is to go upwards towards better. You now know some of the red flags to look for based off of your previous marriage, so you know what to look for and what not to accept but how will you ever be able to tell the “good ones” from the “bad ones” if you don’t put yourself back out there again?
Psychology Today states that patience with yourself, self-esteem to believe in yourself again, and supportive friends and family are the keys to getting back on the dating scene. Yes, it may be scary but it’s something you have to do in order to really find out. Try being more open about your options too. A dating coach for men can help you gain confidence and start dating again.
Maybe let your friends and family take a stab at introducing you to someone new. You should even be more open to online dating as well, just be careful because there are people on those sites pretending to be someone they’re not but the mystery behind it all is what makes it fun!
